Who is poisoning your life?
They are never happy, often lie, gossip and start conflicts – how to get rid of people who spoil your life?
Especially for the media portal Caravan.kz psychologist, relationship expert and creator of the educational project “Growth Phase” Yaroslav Samoylov told how to recognize people who are poisoning your life, how to identify them and communicate with them.
Over the course of our lives, we meet many different people with a wide variety of characters and mores.
In addition to pleasant acquaintances, fate has prepared for us the so-called people “for experience”. After communicating with them, it is customary to draw some conclusions, to learn something. But in any case, do not leave them in your life.
These are not just people who have a complex character or temporary difficulties, which sometimes makes them unbearable. These are the real “gifts of fate”. They, like no other, will poison your life.
How do you know that there are toxic people in your environment?
- They are never satisfied. It’s always bad for them. These are terrible pessimists who are always playing poor victims. They are all offended and no one understands them! The eternal complaints are about them!
- They are always associated with conflicts. Communication consists in constant scandals and quarrels. And they’ll make you look guilty!
- They don’t care about you, they are selfish. They communicate and appear in your life only when they need something. They take a lot, but they give a little.
- They always lie. About and without. To lie for them is normal, the meaning of life is practically. They lie about themselves and others. Just to put yourself in the best light!
- They are ardent gossips. After talking to them, do you feel that you have collected all the gossip in the city? Stay away from such people! And rest assured, they will also talk about you behind your back.
- Demonstrative politeness with some, rudeness with others. For them, this is the norm.
- They are quick-tempered. It’s hard to talk to them. They don’t like everything, any phrase can lead to a scandal.
- They are manipulative. They try to control you in everything. They put pressure psychologically. They are looking for profit everywhere.
- They want to be always right. Did something go wrong? It’s your fault!
- Their behavior with you and in society is radically different.
- They talk about themselves and about themselves. And again about myself. What happened there?” Yes, it doesn’t matter!
- They will criticize everything you do. Opened a business? We’d rather be with the kids! Did you buy a tablecloth? Extra expenses!
- You will constantly hear from them attacks and sarcastic jokes in your direction. They will try to touch you to the quick, offend, humiliate, sting more painfully, exposing themselves in a better light.
14 . They will give you unnecessary advice, teach you about life.
Toxic people are psychological abusers. They simply enjoy humiliating, controlling, and asserting themselves at the expense of others. They get a kick out of it, charge up like vampires.
Toxic people bring you to emotions in any way from pity to open aggression, force you to do what you do not like and do not want, subordinate the situation and expose everything in a light that is beneficial only to themselves.
What is the risk of communicating with such people?
Communication with toxic people can not a priori bring some good results.
They will absorb your energy. You will be emotionally drained. You will feel uncomfortable, feel out of place.
They like it when things are bad for you. And they will do everything for this: often it happens even unconsciously. They will use you, your time, but they will never come to the rescue themselves and will not suggest anything sensible.
I once read that communicating with them causes tension in the brain cells. If you communicate with such a person for several days, then the work of the cells of the nervous system in the brain is disrupted.
As a result, memory deteriorates, the ability to form thoughts.
If you tolerate such a person for several weeks, then the damage to the neurons cannot be stopped.
What to do if such people are attracted to your environment?
Listen to yourself, to your intuition. You may feel bad around someone else.: you have a bad mood for no reason, there is discomfort, there is apathy. You will feel eternally guilty. Such people are “toxic” to you.
Avoid their company. You don’t have to be polite if it’s not good for you. Be able to say “no”.
Protect yourself from toxic people in all possible ways. Otherwise, it will not be easy to achieve a calm life and inner harmony.
Learn to burn bridges, no matter how difficult it may seem. It’s better to get rid of a toxic relationship now than to let yourself be used.
But there are cases when our relatives or colleagues at work are toxic. If in the second case it is still possible to make some attempts to protect against them, then in the first it will be quite problematic.
How to communicate with toxic people?
When listening to another complaint, try to ask :” What did you do to change the situation?» Repeat this question over and over again if you hear only complaints and accusations from others. Sooner or later, your interlocutor will just get bored – he will wave his hand and leave. Look at the toxic interlocutor, if you can’t get away from his company, as the object of your scientific research. As a psychiatrist to a patient. Learn to say no. No need to go to a nearby city to help move the sofa. This is an impertinence on the part of the petitioner.
You don’t have to spend hours listening to how bad things are. You don’t have to put up with toxic people at your house. Speak directly, if necessary – strictly: “I do not want and will not tolerate your company. Therefore, I will ask you to leave.”
You are interesting to a toxic person only when you go on about him. You react in some way to his manipulations. He wants to provoke anger – you are angry. And he’s happy.
Ignore it. Don’t react in any way. Or better yet, with a smile.
And no rudeness or insults! Having failed to achieve their goals, the toxic person will sooner or later give up their attempts to drive you away.