I don’t want to live with my husband
“I don’t want to live with my husband because I fell in love with a girl”: two anonymous stories.
Experts constantly receive different questions from different areas of life. The most interesting questions from a human point of view are for psychologists. Some have accumulated entire collections on a specific topic. And this topic is not an easy one.
Today we present two questions from two women who came face to face with themselves in one day.
“Hello, I really need some help. I’ll tell you about myself. I am 26 years old, married for 2.5 years, have a child (10 months). I fell in love with a girl and it’s like an obsession: all thoughts of her, I can’t fight these feelings, because of this, my family begins to collapse.
I don’t want to live with my husband, I don’t want to live with any man at all. No matter how I try to improve my relationship with my husband, I can’t do anything, and I just don’t want to. I’ve backed myself into a corner. Maybe you can help me sort myself out somehow.
We have a relationship that has been going on for 5 months. From this girl I get everything that my husband did not give me. Our relationship is filled with warmth, tenderness, understanding, sincerity, and sex is much more sensual and vivid.
The girl is very caring, attentive. She’s very worried that no one will find out about our relationship. She worries that my child and I will suffer because of this, because our society is homophobic and cannot accept such relations.
I can’t tell my husband. He’ll just laugh at me, and then he’ll make fun of me whenever he gets the chance. He can’t see beyond his nose, he can’t see my feelings. I tried to be attentive and gentle with him, but he doesn’t want it. I don’t know what to do. Live the way I live, or change something? And anyway, how did I get feelings for a girl?
I’m fine with my relationship with her. Moreover, we want to try to live together. But I’m very worried about it. All this time I cheated on my husband, because of this, I am constantly haunted by guilt and the idea that it is worth trying to improve relations, if only because we have a daughter.
I am very afraid to change something, because my daughter is still very young. So there is a thought about whether I should accept this state of affairs? To try to force myself to forget about the girl? But the thought of losing her makes me sad. During this time, she became very dear to me. What to do in this situation? How do I explain everything to my husband?
And if I suddenly decide to take such a step as divorce and move in with her (she insists on this very much), how can I explain such a step to my family? After all, such news will be very difficult for them to accept. My parents won’t stand it at all. I’m sure of it.”
“I am 45 years old, married, and my children are quite small. I fell in love with a girl of 33 years (the relationship has been almost 2 years, secretly). I’m afraid to take responsibility for the decision, but the girl is also not ready. She has the prospect of a secure marriage with a colleague, she is much more secure herself. If I was the initiator, she would have lived with me. But I’m afraid that I won’t be able to afford both the children and her; and I can’t afford it, and even more so financially (I just don’t have enough money to spend at least equally with her).
The husband is not bad, sometimes annoying, so normal, could move better in life. Sex with men is not attractive. I fell in love with my husband once, but in sex he is generally at a basic level. It seems that my husband closes his eyes to the fact that I like to hang out once a week or two late. But it’s hard for me to hide, and the girl wants me to stay with her not for half a day, but for a couple of days. Such a suspended situation is very tiring for me. But I can’t buy her a big house like her fiance.
On the other hand, opening up the status quo to my husband is a financial blow for me (I can’t predict my husband’s reaction). I feel sorry for him, too. But I also feel sorry for myself. I’m tired of the routine. Maybe I should pull myself together and look for another girl. This is also a problem, few people like it, weak libido, like much younger, cute and arranged, problematic generally unnerving.”
It is difficult to comment, and it is not always possible to understand your own attitude to such stories. But they reveal a little bit of the fog that shrouds these topics in modern society.